i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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