the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
