u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
