Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My bed smells like the plague
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
