I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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