someone threw a dead crab at me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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