Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
