I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
