I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
