Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
