so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
