I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
