Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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