it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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