Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
