Porn is love you can see.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
