If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
