If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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