The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
