Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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