Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
