Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
