I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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