Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
