Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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