yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
