I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
