that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
