Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
