...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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