Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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