You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
