Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize