Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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