Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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