the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
