Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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