I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
