Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
