Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
