I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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