normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I want a musical about memes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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