i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
