And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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