Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
