My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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