OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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