I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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