Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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