You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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