how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
