isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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