I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
