He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
