I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
