we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
