she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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