I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
