Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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