In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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