someone threw a dead crab at me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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