After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
