who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dick very happy bro
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
