if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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