hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
