I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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