Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
