Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
