i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
