My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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