Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
