this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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