he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
