I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
