my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
