So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
