My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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