shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
