You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
