i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
