Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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