I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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